................................................

Vampire chronicleS

..make way..

..make way..

ڜ سض سض غأفي ښ ڜي

ڜ سض سض غأفي ښ ڜي
Eng: "a veritable potpourri of esoteric philosophical content of cognition" (lexical moron?)
Mallu: "endey thala-mandayil udicha thattum tadavum illatha chinthaa vispodanangaludey samaaharum"

Saturday, September 12, 2009

..leaves out all the rest..

..i mean, what the fuck guys?..people have a tendentious preconceived opinion about almost anything and everything..sooo so much that they are just not ready to believe or accept what others have to say and simply leaves everything out when they get to see what they have already wanted to see..and you being at the receiving end..just kills it..
..for example lets take an accident, a road accident..say one guy met with a bike accident and has given into some minor injuries good enough to get him admitted in hospital for 2 days and bad enough to keep him grounded for 2 weeks..he is now back from hospital and all his friends, "so-called" friends, kins and colleagues are now so eager to know what really happened to him..of-course out of pure concern and curiosity..now, the moment these people comes to know that this guy was drunk when he met with the accident, it's over..it's completely over..everything is so clear to them now..like broad day light..now they know exactly what happened and why he met with the accident..the curiosity is over..concern has gone right out of the window..they have totally made up their mind..there is simply no point narrating the whole story now, telling them that the high beam lights from the vehicles in the opposite lanes blinded him and that he missed the deep pothole on the road on to which his bike went in and went out of control face planting him on the road mercilessly...they are so over this..they will listen to your real story..but simply out of courtesy, these stories are like bouncers which goes over their head which is already convinced that he had this accident only because he was drunk..insensitive fucks!!!..
..i can't believe why people are so stereotypical...i guess its the same with everyone, everyone who can't think out of their beliefs..everyone who is cast into these social/religious skeletons with gestated delusions..yeah, delusions of grandeur, that's what this is..well..now i don't plan to give more examples to prove my point, coz I think I have already made it and moreover made you realize it..and if i haven't, well, you can go fuck yourself..
..i think its high time a revolutionary doctrine that advocates destruction of the social system for its own sake rise up..oh c'mon damn it..even you want it..its just that, i said it..

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Is there a Santa?

(from an engineering standpoint)

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about. .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion -
If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
  4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
  8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
  10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
  12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
  16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  18. Honk and wave to strangers.
  19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
  21. type only in lowercase.
  22. dont use any punctuation either
  23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
  25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
  27. Ask people what gender they are.
  28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  30. Sing along at the opera.
  31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."